[FL] Should I file for divorce?
Me and my husband have not been getting along and it's been a month. We had a huge argument and he left home. I am not sure how to navigate my situation.
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If you can save the marriage, save it. But you have to pick a path. It's file or don't. If you file, follow it through.
Here are some resources:
https://www.floridabar.org/public/consumer/pamphlet010/
Your local clerk of courts also has packets for sale. So contested with or without kids.
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StephenH129
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Hello Stephen.
Me and my husband have not been getting along and it's been a month. We had a huge argument and he left home.
I am not sure how to navigate my situation.
StephenH129
What is the goal? Stay together? Divorce?
I don't know since we have no communication going on. And I am looking to see how to navigate.
Should I initiate a conversation or should I just keep quiet? Or how can I prepare myself for separation?
Any do's and don'ts?
StephenH129
You'd have to reach out to talk. You both need to see what the other wants. You need to have firm goals and objectives. So figure out what you want, see what he wants, and go from there. Not talking won't solve anything long term.
Counseling, therapy, or someone files. The most critical thing before anyone files is information. You need to know where the assets are, the values, and the debts.
If you don't know about an account or asset, no attorney would. So gathering proof and information is normally the critical thing at this stage. But you two have to speak. It's not going to improve one way or the other.
Well, I feel like if I ask him he will feel I am desperate, and I caught him out on a date with another woman. So I don’t think I am ready to have him back.
I know his assets and we don't have any accounts together. We only have our house together.
StephenH129
If you can save the marriage, save it. But you have to pick a path. It's file or don't. If you file, follow it through.
Here are some resources:
https://www.floridabar.org/public/consumer/pamphlet010/
Your local clerk of courts also has packets for sale. So contested with or without kids.
He has moved his assets under a Family trust with his brother.
StephenH129
For the moment, this is internal. So if you don't know what you want, it's all premature.
How long a marriage? You can still go after those. Changing the name doesn't change the source or status of the assets.
22 years with 2 kids. Older one is 18 and younger one is 13.
StephenH129
Ok. Then this would have everything: alimony, custody, placement, child support. Everything.
Yes.
StephenH129
If you do file, you can ask for a temporary hearing to determine any issues for the duration of the divorce. So bills, custody, placement, and support.
I'd gather as much financial information as you can. Document it all and then sit down with a local attorney for a consult. That's the next real step.
But it's all up to you. You control it just as much as he does. Either one can file.
You can find a highly-rated local lawyer on a lawyer review site like Avvo.com for your city.
https://attorneys.superlawyers.com/ can also be useful.
I further recommend Justia for potentially finding a local attorney. You can also use the local State Bar Association. There are lots of options to find a good local lawyer.
I have also gotten a lot of support from my parents in the form of gifts and personal loans.
Does that count towards marital assets?
StephenH129
The loans could be debts if they are on paper and there is an expectation of repayment. Not gifts, no.
But after this long a marriage, everything is presumed marital. Unless you can trace it back, it would be very hard to dispute 22 years.
What does he earn gross vs you, ballpark?
OK. $200,000 for him and me $25,000.
I was a stay-at-home mom for about 10 years.
StephenH129
Then alimony is going to be the elephant in the room. If I were you, I'd ask for 10 to 15 years easily.
Last year I made more, about $45,000.
But I have always been around home.
StephenH129
Florida doesn't presume permanent alimony anymore, but it's going to be a massive issue here.
As the younger child grows, you likely will have to keep working. But $45k is pretty reasonable for income right now. He could ask it to be revisited, but that's a well down-the-road issue.
I don’t mind working.
StephenH129
This is going to impact every facet of your life for the rest of your life. You need an attorney.
I am all for not fighting and being reasonable but here, if he is going to protest, you need to fight.
It's more about the past and assets built during the time of our marriage.
And also what my parents gave is not marital asset so it shouldn't be benefiting him.
StephenH129
22 years is long term. I don't see much of an argument for individual property.
Gifts, sure. But the loans, if in writing, why should he not take half?
Or you trade that for other assets.
OK. Any other do's and don'ts or any resources you can think of?
StephenH129
Just get familiar with the process. Write a list of your goals. What you want most. 1–20 or however many it is.
Go to an attorney with those goals. To get 3, you may need to give up 14, 18, and 20.
Do not give anything up without getting something in return. That's the dance.
Figure out what he wants most and leverage that. So if he wants the boat or motorcycle and you don't care about it, use that. Get something you want in exchange.
He will not want to give me any money.
And he will want to take away kids and leave me with nothing.
StephenH129
Then you need the temporary hearing and order forcing it or selling assets for the cash. You can get creative.
He has not supported me financially in a very long time and that is why my parents have had to support me.
StephenH129
Then I'd file. But that's easy for me to say. You have to live with these issues. Divorce is business for attorneys. No emotion.
Even during my time as stay-at-home he would not give me money.
So I had to borrow from my parents.
StephenH129
Then I'd call those loans. Have them back that up. Use it. There's no real downside to trying in my eyes.
Thanks
StephenH129
Sounds good. Happy to help. Thank you very much. Take care now and be well!
StephenH129
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